Marriage means stability. A few years ago also when someone used to be a vagabond, the family, use to prepare for his/her marriage. They used to think if they can marry of their child they would not run away from their home. Rabindranath’s “Athiti”, deals with a same kind of a story. There his hero was a boy of fourteen, who cannot be tied by the domesticity, love of his near and dear one, so when everyone wants to find a solution, they thought that marriage is the only solution to it. Though the boy run away from the wedding house and proved them wrong.

Today one cannot say that marriage means stability, or togetherness. Today both the bride and groom, or both the husband and wife are engaged in some kind of a job, and thus it is difficult for them to maintain stability. This is because, for the sake of their job, they have to travel, and some time s they have to travel overseas. It is not possible all the time to take your family, with you, on your tour, because most of the times your tours are of very short period, and on the other hand it is the time when both men and women are working. Even if the women are a home maker, it is not possible to take her in your tour because if you have children, you won’t want that your children miss their lessons in their schools. If you have ailing parents then too you won’t want your spouse to be with you, rather you want her to take care of your parents, in that case most of the times relationship gets complex. Both of you have complaints against each other, and both of you fight over that complaint. This fight leads to a cold war, and often to a broken marriage.

But, if you are careful about certain things, then you will notice that absence is another form of presence. You will love this departure; you may want to have this kind of long distance relationship, when you will feel you are getting bored with your married life. If you want a long distance, successful and happy marriage, then you have to take care of certain things. Then, your long distance marriage will be a successful marriage. These certain things are:

• Always give priority to your married relationship

There will be many relationships in your life, you will have many friends, and more foes in your life when you progress in your life. But, always remember, these friends, these parties, all are there, were there, and will be there. Your family is something, about which if you are not careful, and then it can break at any moment. So, your family should be in the first place, in your priority list.

• Always be loyal, and always trust your partner.

John Donne’s sonnet tells us that the poet has always seen love as something very pure; where envy does not find its place. Where a boy does not have to listen, “why were you staring at he?” Or the girl does not have to hear, “why he calls you so many times?” Well, it is rare to find in any relationship, and it is not always bad. But not at all trusting your husband or wife is bad. You should have faith and trust on your spouse. In the same way you should always prove that your spouse’s trust is not wrong, by being loyal to your spouse. In every relationship loyalty and trust is required, and in a long distance married relationship it is must.

• Make yourself engaged in some kind of work.

An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. So, do not be idle, and do engage yourself in some kind of work which is very constructive. Get yourself engaged with some kind of social work, or spend more time with children and friends. Visit your parents frequently and if possible get yourself engaged in home based part time job. You can also plan a new small business of your own. Spend time by fulfilling your dreams not by engaging yourself in your spouse’s thought. That won’t bring peace rather that will destroy peace.

• God bless you, you are in the age of technology

You are born in an age of technology, you have access to laptop, internet, we camera, video calling, smart phone, and many more things. Today you can not only talk, but you can also see your spouse, who may be is 15000km away from you can celebrate his/her birthday, you can talk to him/her, and today when both the incoming and outgoing rates are decreasing. Even if it does not decrease, there are so many offers for you which are both economical and at the same time help you to have a long chat with your loved ones. Earlier when people could only communicate through liters, at that time married couples really have to suffer from long distance relationship. They used to wait for a letter for a month or more than that, depending upon the postal service. And they used to read that letter daily, unless they used to receive a new letter from their loved ones. You are at least saved from that pain, thanks to the technology. So, use it well, virtually having your spouse is also a way to have him/her.

• Know how to communicate

Only technology won’t help you to communicate, you should know very well how to communicate. Sometimes hearing the other person is a way to communicate. Sometimes sharing your difficulties and your problem is another way to communicate. Sometimes understanding your partner is a way to communicate. And this is the most important way to communicate. So both should be well aware to this way, this way include, two teaspoon trust, one teaspoon patience, three teaspoon a calm mind, and love, as much required. So, if technology is not working, do not try to jump to a conclusion, use this recipe to communicate with your partner.

In a long distance relationship, always plan a sudden visit to your spouse, keeping the budget in mind. This sudden reunion will be surprising to him/her and also will bring a change in your boring life.

Raja Kumar