Meaning of “divorce”

“Divorce” means terminating all marital ties and relations legally. Thus, after divorce, a couple is no longer considered to be married. Marriage is considered to be the most treasurable and beautiful event in one’s life and divorce is exactly its opposite. It takes a great toll on one’s emotions and sentiments and often turns out to be the horrific phase of a life time. Some people find it very difficult to cope with life after divorce whereas some are able to move on in life without much difficulty. It all depends on a person’s ability to deal with the various setbacks in life.

Irrespective of the nationality and background, religion and financial status of people, divorce is no wonder considered a terrible event. Snapping all ties with someone you have lived with isn’t a beautiful thing, is it?

Reasons leading to divorce

Nowadays, divorce between couples has become very common. People do not hesitate to take this step even for minor reasons. The reasons contributing to divorce are many. Lack of understanding and trust between partners is the root cause of all marital problems. Often, couples do not have a hearted conversation with each other citing time constraints and other issues. Although it seems a very minor issue, problems start from here. It is necessary for married couples to spend time with their partners, share their thoughts and emotions and show them the mutual love and respect they have for each other. Lack of proper interactions especially amongst working couples is one of the many reasons leading to divorce. Issue related to upbringing of children is another cause of divorce. Both the parents are responsible for their children. One parent shouldn’t be burdened with all the parental duties with the other completely avoiding it. It often creates a rift between couples, severe enough to lead them to divorce.

Vast differences in outlook between partners also take a toll on the marital life. For instance, one partner may be from a conservative background with the other one from a modern family. This small factor actually brings about a lot of variations in one’s expectations, ambitions, priorities and mentality. Sometimes, a couple finds it very hard to survive tolerating each other’s differences and under this circumstance, divorce seems to be the only solution. Addiction to smoking, drugs and alcohol can play havoc with the marriage. It ruins everything. When addicted, a person loses his/her thought power and quite often creates situations which turns out to be embarrassing and insulting to the other family members.

Boredom with life is often expressed as frustration on each other estranging the relation between couples. Monotonous lifestyle due to hectic work schedule coupled with one’s inability to deal with them affects the relation between partners.

Sexual satisfaction is one of the most vital aspects of a happy marital life. Physical intimacy is essential to bond with your partner creating emotional attachments. It is a way of showing how much you love your spouse. If a married couple is unsatisfied on this ground, divorce is inevitable.     Financial problem is another major cause of divorce. Unequal income and financial responsibility are the grounds of disagreement. It causes stress and leads to divorce.

Physical infliction of harm, verbal abuse and emotional stress again estrange marriage. Marriage is based on trust on each other, love for each other and mutual dependencies on each other. Physical torture and even bullying and hurting the sentiments of the partner leave no room for compromise. And it goes without a saying that divorce is the only solution to this situation.

Cheating on the partner or infidelity is something that can’t be tolerated and it leaves no room for excuses. Divorce becomes the only solution.

Ways to avoid divorce

Coming to this point, the first question that probably strikes our mind is can divorce be really avoided? Well, the answer can vary from person to person. Some may consider that staying away from each other is the permanent solution to all problems whereas some try their best to avoid it by compromising on every possible ground. It depends on the societal values and cultural values inculcated in a person. The society plays an important role of the outlook of any person. If we talk about the western countries, divorce is not a big deal but when it comes to countries like India with high traditional values amongst the citizens, divorce in general is perceived differently. No matter how modern we have become, somehow or the other the society blames the couple as if divorce is a crime on moral grounds. It kind of becomes suffocating for a person to deal with so much after a divorce and to some extent influences his/her decisions. But, keeping aside all these matters, shouldn’t an effort me made to preserve the marriage, after all marriages are made in heaven, isn’t it?

The moral values inculcated in us deep somewhere do have an effect on the decisions we take. We believe divorce is not always the solution to the problems. It doesn’t put an end to the suffering a person has to undergo during the procedure. A legal agreement doesn’t put an end to all the emotions and feelings of a person. It’s always better to give a chance to your relationship and then decide.

Instead of focusing on divorce as a means of solution, one should try to analyze the cause that lead to such situation. Communication is the best way to sort out any problem. So, stop your ego and take the initiative to sort out the things. Mutual understanding strengthens your marital life. Whatever the problem is, be it financial or spending time with each other or concerning kids, try to put forward your point of view without being biased and argumentative. Both the partners’ views should be considered and given priority. One should try to respect the differences in opinions rather than dominating each other. When it comes to matters concerning children, both the parents should take equal responsibility.

If your partner is addicted to alcohol or drugs and physically harming you, the best solution is to seek the advice of a therapist or take him to a rehabilitation centre. Take care of your partner’s sentiments. Remarks like “you are so fat” or “he is far richer than you” can hurt a person. Try to steer clear from such comments rather say it in such a way so that your partner understands your concern for him/her and then follows your suggestion. It’s like you can say, “Sweetheart, why don’t we go for jogging today? We can have a good time together as well as lose a few kilos, wouldn’t that be great?” Plan surprise get-togethers; go out for a movie or candlelight dinner to warm up your romantic life.

As far as boredom is concerned, focus on your work and other activities. Prioritize your needs and pursue your hobbies. You try to give time to yourself as well. Always focusing and controlling your partner shouldn’t be the sole motive of your life. Give yourself some time and in this way you will be able to give your partner the necessary space. Try to deal the issues with subtlety and feelings.

Last but not the least, sexual dissatisfaction leads to estranged marriages. Make love to your partner and warm up your relation.

So, we see that the solutions to the marital problems are not very difficult. It requires a bit patience, cooperation and love to sort out all the problems and lead a blissful married life. Thus, divorce can be avoided if we want to. There are many ways to avoid it. Do not give up your hope. Life is full of ups and downs. You may be going through a bad phase but that won’t last forever. Just take the initiative and see the wonders in store for you.

Raja Kumar