Jane Austin in her novel “Pride and Prejudice” has said that, “happiness in a marriage is a matter of chance”. The hero and heroine is a happily married couple, but misunderstanding between them took place before marriage and because they failed to communicate. So Elizabeth Bennet, the heroine of the story thought that shy, and reserve Darcy is actually a man who had too much of pride in him. And Darcy on the other hand consider that middle-class Miss Bennet is someone towards whom he feel attracted but she does not worth that attraction.

The story is written 200 years ago, and is still very contemporary. Today relationship faces problem because of communication problem. Today this problem is increasing. Not because of the fact that today’s generation does not have patience, but because we are standing in an age where the patriarchy of the society has been questioned.

Earlier, it was a dream that a boy and girl would meet each other before marriage, and will know each other and then marry. So in Bengali culture there is a ritual which is called “SubhoDristi” where the groom and the bride first time see each other. But today things have changed. Today a girl or a boy will not accept the fact that his/her parents are fixing his/her marriage with an unknown person. Today parents fix a date for their son or daughter and they meet in a hotel or restaurant, they talk, they know each other and then the marriage is being fixed. But in the process of knowing each other many problems can crop up. In this stage one should communicate properly.

We Indians are standing with our one foot in this world of globalization and the other foot in the world of patriarchy. So sometimes communication become difficult! Men should now accept the fact that a woman is not inferior, neither is he superior. And his relationship with a woman is nor a teacher-student relationship, or a master-servant relationship. It is a friendly relationship, where showing respect means a lot to a woman. On the other hand women should accept the fact that all men are not bad. Men too have gone through change with the change in time. And if they think all men are bad, then all those girls who are their father’s darling, should consider their father as a bad person. They should also give respect to the man with whom they will later be engaged in a relationship. Relationships are always based on respect.

Every person has something called SELF RESPECT. And today’s women are very much concern about their Self Respect. And so when two people are going out and especially if the woman is working woman, allow her to pay the restaurant bill or the taxi fare. Don’t let her feel that her income, her position in the society as a working woman, in the society, does not matter much to you. As women have self respect and Self Esteem, in the same way men too have Self Respect and Self Esteem. Give them that. Don’t treat them as someone who will carry your shopping bag. If girls are standing in the era of women’s equality then girls can carry their own shopping bag, they don’t need someone to carry it.

Today, there is too much work pressure in our society. And it is always not possible to be online, or be on the phone. And when the person with whom you are going to get married is saying that he/she is busy in his/her office, believe him/her. Trust is important in every relationship. If you cannot trust your partner then relationship is not your cup of tea.

Before marriage may women want to talk about their bedrooms, curtains, pillow, rot iron table, but men may not want to talk about these things. Allow men to come with their topics. Give them enough space so that they can talk freely. Allow them to open their mind. On the other hand men should also not forget that women fantasize about their marriage. They have many dreams. Give respect to those dreams; allow her fantasy to take a flight (only if you are serious about the relationship).

Good listener is the man’s best friend. If you see your partner loves to talk, allow him/her. There is no better way to know a person than to listening to his talks. And if he/she talks less then take time allow him/her to be more friendly and frank with you. An ideal relationship is depended on understanding, and conversations.

And lastly, there is nothing called ideal relationship. Every relationship will have ups and downs. Don’t forget like mother-daughter, father-son, sister-sister, brother-sister relationship, it is also a relationship. If every relationship had ups and downs this relationship is also not an exception. And when you don’t walk away from other relationship, why should you walk away from this one? And remember Prince Charm and Cinderella looks good in a fairy tale. Don’t go in a search for one. You want get a life partner with all the worldly good qualities. You will get some, and some you will not. If you think you love the person then accept him/her as he/she is. Try to love his/her quality, and do not ignore his/her faults but don’t keep on talking about that.

Always remember that marriage makes two halves into one. So both qualities and flaws are shared, thus a marriage become successful or the marriage takes place. After all who wants to live alone throughout their lives? Understanding and communication is the key to a successful married life! So are you all set to tie the knot and keep these points in mind?

Raja Kumar