Every love struck Romeo and Juliet, tells each other how bright the stars had shown the day they first met and how one exploded in the other’s heart right away. They say how crazy one drives the other and how much they would love to spend their entire life in each other’s company. So, what happens to the craze and love? Why do the stars that used to shine so bright grow dim within few days of marriage? With the number of marriage separations soaring high and higher each day, is the common use “Love fades with time” the underlying hard truth and the inevitable conclusion? Interestingly, NO!

According to research at a University in New York, people can be madly in love with each other even after a couple of decades into their marriage as much as they were when they first met. Brain scans were conducted on couples in both the early and long-term stages of their relationships. They were shown a picture of their better halves and it highlighted the reward centre of their brain. It showed the similar kind of reaction in both early and long-term relationships. In fact, the research came to a conclusion “Attachment grows over time”.

So how and why do differences come along in the long run? And how should we avoid and solve them? Here are some facts and advice, all for the glory of love, which will help you to sail through in the long run and keep your marriage away from facing any setback.

Communication, a major area of concern

A key to a strong marriage is marked by the ability of both partners to be able to communicate openly with each other. If the couple finds it hard to communicate, they should work toward it, otherwise, the relationship is soured easily. They small decisions you take in your daily life, learn to make them together. When you discus, listen to each other’s views properly and never pretend you are listening when you are not! When you take a collective decision, there will be some compromises. So, be considerate enough to show high regards toward your partner and don’t disagree on petty matter. Remember, you discus not to win alone, but to solve together. Don’t go off track and keep discussions for later, if you are not in the right frame of mind. Don’t say things out of anger, intended to hurt your partner, which you actually don’t mean. Sometimes it leaves too deep a scar to forget. Keep to the subject while arguing and don’t make personal attacks referring old issues. Be patient with each other, as much as possible. You must grow more mature when you come out of the discussion.

Honey, let’s talk about money

Often it is noticed among couples, that if both partners have a similar taste of expenditure, there is less confusion between the two. Often, our ways of handling money is similar to that of our parents and we feel that’s the best way. Acknowledge the fact that, “it’s not about me anymore, it’s about us”. Discus matter related to money to find out ways of spending and saving that’s convenient for both. Make a joint account and make it a point that both make some contribution to it for emergency funds and a secured future.

Keep the Romeo and Juliet alive!

It’s hard to get back the good old early days of love, when you have nappies to change one hand and the ever growing pressure of your work on the other. But keep the young lovers alive in you. Make it a point to start the day with a warm hug and a rain of kisses. Say how much you love and mean to one another. Flirt sometimes and exchange that naughty smile. Do small things that make your partner smile and feel loved- send flowers, make a sudden movie plan with your partner alone, bring home that favorite chocolate that your partner craved for in the good old days, cook something special, plan a surprise birthday party however small it is. Gift each other and celebrate your anniversary. Take a long walk to spend some time alone, where there’s no one else but the two of you. Fit in sometime for each other out of the busy schedule. Love Out Loud! Make room for sex. Get cozy and aroused. Sex is vital for a physical health benefit, mental health benefit and most importantly to keep each other feel connected and build passion and positive feeling toward your spouse. It can be claimed without doubt any doubt that in a happy married life, both love and sex are inseparable phenomena.

Give a shoulder to support

At present, almost all women find it hard to strike a balance between home and work. It is next to impossible to meet all expectations without a helping hand from her spouse. Share some household chore- maybe with the dishes or the morning tea or the Sunday lunch. Manage kids sometimes so that she can enjoy some time to relax on her own. Be a shoulder to give each other the strength to carry on. Involve each other to discus recent developments and problems at workplace and possibilities regarding career shifts. If one seems depressed, ask what is wrong? Make one another feel that no matter what happens, however wrong, things turn out to be, there is one person always there by your side. Don’t worry. Call 3 to 5 times a day to know if everything is “fine”. Take care for each other’s well being. Give attention to your partner health. Take your spouse for regular health check up. Show that you care. Use words like “we” instead of “I” and “you”. Appreciate what the other person does for you, show gratitude for the adjustment and small sacrifices one makes, give each other enough credit. Never compare your partner with random people.

Everyone has their own qualities. Never shout at your partner or insult in front of outsiders. Always rectify the wrongs and look at the good qualities of your partner.

Raja Kumar